We’ve discussed the 201 level of relationship-building last week. (Building Bridges- Feel free to read that if you have not.) Now, it is time for the next semester. Class 202 is burning bridges. If you have burned a bridge before you understand the complete joy you feel while doing it. When you quit that job, dumped that ex, cut off those stagnant friends, you feel a huge weight leave you. We need to discuss why we have done it. It will show us how we operated in the past. We also need to discuss when and why we should do it going forward. Not all bridges need to be burned down. Some should be closed for a while. Others open, but not used as frequently.
Every connection you have has a tension to it. While attached, you rarely realize what the level of tension is. It could be loose to the point where you don’t feel anything if the connection is lost or it could be tight and disconnection would be extremely noticeable. So, you could be spinning in circles or feel a huge relief or weight lifted. I’ve experienced both. The spinning in circles tells you that you needed that bridge/connection more than you thought. The weight lifted states its was during more harm than good. The relief shows you the bridge could have been torched earlier or that you didn’t need the connection as much as you thought. There are instances where both sides feel the same result. Both left spinning usually points out stubbornness, immaturity, or dependency by both parties. Both sides feeling a relief exposes the fear and insecurity of moving on by both sides. If you haven’t experienced these at all, now you’ll have a better understanding of the aftermath. If you have, I’ve got a couple of questions. When you burned bridges in the past was it to show who you were connected to you didn’t need them? But did you? If not, did they need you? Did you care? I’m not judging, I just want you to understand where you were in the past and discover if you can make improvements in regards to how you’d handle it now.
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Let’s touch on the now. When and why should we burn bridges? When you feel you need/want the connection but you can’t name a good reason to keep it. When the negatives outweigh the positives. When the bridge always seems to be hanging on by a thread. When you don’t feel the connection is mutually beneficial. These are serious issues and are greenlights for demolition. Why? It’s because these relationships are toxic. Toxic connections are wild cards and can leave you relieved or spinning but a disconnect is needed. You’ve been in the relationship so long you’ve built a dependency but the only thing this connection gives you is a consistent and familiar disappointment when change and new pleasures are what you need. Burn it down. You are either instantly going to be okay or you are going to have a hard time and eventually be okay. Either way, the important part to take away is that you’ll be okay.
What about the temporarily closed and open but rarely used bridges mentioned earlier? These are bridges the younger you or the “pre-reading this blog” you would have destroyed. Temporarily closed is taking a break from a relationship you need more time to assess. It’s taking a leave of absence from work to determine if you’ll leave for good or leaving the job the right way. (Yes, with notice and without your middle finger in the air walking out.) It’s declining to do business with an understandable reason following the refusal. It’s not being social for a while to get yourself together but reaching out now and then to ask if they are okay while letting them know you are okay. How many connections could you have saved applying this? The open but rarely used bridges are ones that are easy to believe you can burn. This is a mistake. They are important to keep and bring no issues with them. They shouldn’t be scraped because you don’t frequently utilize them. A couple of good examples would be a travel buddy, an old friend that you don’t speak with or haven’t seen in a while, a former co-worker, a fellow entrepreneur, skilled labor. These connections are not everyday bridges but are needed and very rarely can be replaced with someone else. Choose your demolitions wisely.
In closing, burning bridges is a necessary skill. Well, knowing when to do so is. Burning them can be done by anyone especially when they shouldn’t be. I’m speaking from experience. No, I don’t regret burning any but now I know it could have been done differently. That may have made things easier on me or at least given me more options. Consider yourself a city and your bridges are connections to other cities bringing what they offer to yours. You know what your city needs and wants. You know what your city has. The closer your city is to needs and wants being equal to haves the fewer connections you need but understand the best, most amazing cities exceeds the needs and wants of it. The more you can offer your city the better. Options are assets.
Food for thought…You do the dishes.
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