What do you hear the minute you show the world you are really good at something? Hey, you have to be humble. Hey, stay humble. Don’t be prideful. Why? Is this to benefit the person it is being stated to or the people stating it? Why would a person who worked very hard at becoming an expert or successful in any capacity at something have to follow it up by being modest about it? Dream, be bold enough to chase the dream, work hard, accomplish it, and shut up? I think not. This person should be extremely proud. They should never have to minimize their accomplishments. Are 2 miserable people better than one? That would be the result. Our culture promotes that 2 are better than one. Why else would a go-getter be given the responsibility of protecting the already fragile self-esteem of a person who made the conscious decision to not be all they could be? How should successful people feel about this deal?
This deal sucks. The successful person sat in uncertain, doubtful times alone. No one reached out. No one checked in on them. Not many, if any, believed in what they were trying to do. The odds were stacked against them. New reasons to quit were presented seemingly weekly. Regardless, they continued to work. Over time, they became very good. People begin to notice and give their attention to this newfound talent. The go-getter begins to feel good. It’s beginning to look like everything was worth it. They begin to share their accomplishments but the reception is mixed. Huh? These mixed signals are then accompanied by the not so supportive “hey congrats but stay humble” messages. What? Why? The go-getter finally asks a person they trust will give them somewhat of a helpful answer.
The answer they get seems rooted in the passing down of crappy advice. A mix of religious principals, low self-esteem, and selfishness. The answer was “You should be humble because it’s the right thing to do. By sharing your accomplishments too often you are putting yourself on a pedestal and individuals who do such a thing are sure to suffer and come crashing down. Being humble will ensure others don’t feel bad about themselves and in turn, they will not dislike you because of your success. Another perk is if you fail somewhere down the line people won’t throw it in your face. They’ll be more willing to help you get back on your feet. Isn’t that awesome?” Is it?
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It seems that this being humble thing is to protect both the successful person and the people who do not want to hear about the success. The issue is it doesn’t. It creates a feeling of dissatisfaction for the successful person. It perpetuates the lie that the person who takes issue with success is doing nothing wrong. Both individuals, in this case, are leading miserable lives. One person must celebrate in their head, constantly worried about backlash if they express too much joy or pride in themselves. The other walking around hoping the idiotic social construct of being humble protects their fragile being until they get their lives together or die before having to snap into reality realizing that another person’s triumph is not a knock on them.
People feeling good about their success and/or sharing it also shouldn’t affect anyone negatively. Wouldn’t you be extremely proud of yourself if you were them? Wouldn’t you share your success? Or would you stay “humble” acting as if nothing occurred? All labor. No fruit. Yeah, right.
In closing, telling someone to be humble is an irresponsible act. If someone is taking it too far in your eyes, remember who those eyes belong to. It’s not your job to humble or limit anyone’s attempt at exalting themselves. They could have been the only ones doing it for years. That could have been the only thing keeping them alive let alone working towards the goal. You don’t know everyone’s story so making blanket statements to everyone is a mistake. It’s not your place to do so. Let’s not confuse pride with arrogance. Pride is deep pleasure derived from one’s own achievements. Arrogance is an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities. This misunderstanding can be the cause of a lot of discomfort for a person looking at a successful person from afar. The only way you can confirm a person’s arrogance is to actually experience the talent of that person. You may see nothing is being exaggerated at all.
Food for thought…You do the dishes.
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