We grow up being told we can be anything. We are told to strive for perfection in school which consumes our childhood, finishing second only to sleep. We then get to the point of people noticing we just might become that anything and we are looking pretty perfect in comparison to others. We begin to hear this humble word all of a sudden. We are told to be modest about our accomplishments. At the start of these occurrences, we are a little confused.

Why are we told we can become what we wanted and to try our best only to be told to conceal the progress or downplay the accomplishment upon completion? Unfortunately, because we are programmed during our childhood to conform to what is told to us. We began to learn to be modest or overly critical of ourselves. This is the way we learn to be “humble”. This is taught as showing humility. This is self-deprecation is in no way a positive trait.

We are told to be the best we can be with a very small percentage of people that are telling us this believing we’ll be able to do it. It’s kind of like people stating “Hey. How are you doing?” and you see complete shock or unease when you begin to answer the question. Worse is the friends or family you share your hopes and dreams with and they seem to have the same shock and unease when it starts to come to fruition. You have done no wrong. You shouldn’t feel bad about anything. You answered a question that was asked of you. You shared a goal with who you felt were allies and accomplished it.

The world wants you to conform to the understanding that when someone asks a question you should assume that they are just saying what is supposed to be said at the time. You know, “Hey. How are you?”, “You can be whatever you want in life”, “Be the best you can be.” This is all just common rhetoric now. No real meaning behind it. Only the attempt to convince you that intent was there. Well, you listened and took it to heart. Congratulations, because you believed what you heard and soared pass those empty well-wishes. Now, your new issue is dealing with the empty well-wisher’s feelings about how your success makes them feel. Yeah…

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So, now you are supposed to hide your joy, happiness, and pride for the sake of people who don’t possess those qualities. The people who didn’t work as hard, didn’t try as much, didn’t care as much as you did about succeeding. Their “Hey, How are you?” is supposed to be answered with a “Hey, How are you?”. Their “That’s a nice suit” is to be answered with a “This old thing.”, “It was on sale.”, or some other humble statement about yourself. You chose to conform or may have just realized that you have. Either way, it’s not healthy. You’ve made it a habit of accepting compliments with a responding self-deprecating statement.

Is this for the sake of the other person? Of course. Okay, you’ve made that person temporarily feel good about themselves or at the least not worse because of yourself. What you have not thought about is what this does to you. Each compliment you receive that can be used as a boost (whether sincere or not) is now met with a counter negative/neutralizing statement. Eventually, the compliments mean nothing and all you are left with is the negative statement coming from yourself with nothing to counter or neutralize. You get this sense of discontent and have no idea how you got there. For who? The person you saw in passing or on a 10-15 second elevator ride? Is that worth it in any way, shape, or form? No.

In closing, stop downing yourself in an attempt to comfort people around you. Let your success or determination toward a goal be what you give them. It’s up to them if they use it as motivation or discouragement. It’s not your concern. If anyone in your circle is affected negatively by your success or pursuit of it, they don’t belong in it.

It doesn’t matter who it is. I know that may be a little much for some readers. Please allow me to press fast-forward on some of the relationships in your life and save you a couple of years of grief. Get them away from you. Do you think they can change? Call them out. Explain their behavior and tell them it’s unacceptable. If they show they can’t change, show them the door and flourish.

Food for thought…You do the dishes.
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