Survivors Remorse is a mental condition that occurs when a person believes they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic or tragic event when others did not, often feeling self-guilt. It sounds like a clear cut definition until you give your definition of traumatic or tragic. On the surface, one may think of a war, car accident, or beating a disease. Many forget to think about other traumatic events.
Is growing up in a slum seeing your immediate family struggle day to day for your entire childhood traumatic? Is finding friends along the way that grew up in the same circumstances not ever get out tragic? What about your extended family, who strived for better as you did but did not obtain the same level of success? How is that not tragic? It is. They all are forms of trauma or tragedy. Therefore, many of us deal with survivor’s remorse consistently and have no idea where or why the down feelings are familiar visitors in the extraordinary life we wanted.
The day to day for survivors is excellent. They are living the life they wanted to live, experiencing the fruits of their labor and consistency. This life is what they imagined when going through the trauma of growing up in lesser conditions. Now and again, this feeling of guilt will arise and bring down what is otherwise a typical day. What caused this? Well, it could have been visiting a friend or family member. It could have been talking to or texting one. You could have been watching a show that triggered it. Walking around your home, realizing that the distance you’ve walked would have covered your childhood residence 8-10 times over. This scenario gets combined with knowing there are family members or friends who don’t get to experience that walk daily. You may feel they deserve it just as much or more than you. You may think, why you?
There are right answers out there, but none take away the feeling. It would be best if you had more than words to get past the surface. You will find yourself attempting to help, push, point these people in the right direction. They’ll either take your advice, not take your advice, or prefer you give them what you have. These actions will help with dealing with the survivor’s remorse. You’ll get all the answers you seek by watching what the people around you do with the information or examples you provide.
You’ll see some will utilize it to the fullest. Some will shun it, wanting to do it their way or just not your way. Others will be busy despising or attempting to ignore your success. How does this help you? You get the answer to your “why me” and “why not them”? You didn’t get there without work. There were roadblocks in addition to your upbringing that you made your way around or through. There was work. There was effort. Whatever the exact reasoning is, remember the result was intentional. Either through your action or whatever higher power or plan you believe in. Embrace it.
In closing, being only one of the few who escapes the humble means of your past can be a burden. It can feel as if you are the only one of a group to survive a car crash or war then go on to live a fulfilling life knowing that they didn’t. Growing up with family sharing apartments, food, and clothes but not living the same as adults is difficult. This realization is harsh, but there is nothing you did wrong. The best you can do is attempt to assist. Give a fish or two if needed, but understanding teaching them to fish will benefit them more. Live your life to the fullest. This life is what you wanted. This life is what you’ve earned. Congratulations.
Food for Thought…You do the Dishes.
