Many of us grow up with the aspirations to be the go-to person of our family. We want to be the person our family and friends think of when a problem arises. Some call this person the “Big Homie”, the leader, or the patriarch/matriarch of the group or family. These aspirations are admirable but we think, wish, and hope for this outcome without thinking about the price. What is the price of leadership? We want to be able to help everyone in our circle with knowledge, wisdom, or finances.
We want the members of our circle to feel secure in a life that encourages insecurity. A life that makes you feel less than you are. A life that grooms you to be a lifelong worker with a 2-3 week a year break in exchange for you disregarding your hopes, dreams, and potential daily. Being a leader reveals all of this to you but how do you reveal this to those in your circle who don’t recognize the aforementioned exchange? Is it your job as a leader to reveal this? Is it your place to declare yourself the leader? How do you know you are? When do you take the reigns?
The answers to these questions will reveal themselves organically. You’ll see yourself becoming the leader. It’s not something you declare. You live your life to the best of your ability. You learn as much as you can. You experience as much as you can. The more you do this the more you’ll be ready for the position. Most of the people who come to you will not be very experienced. They may not have the confidence you have because of the lack of experience. They will not have the knowledge you have.
They may also lack the desire to be the leader you are. They may see you are doing a good job and you seem to want the position. It is honestly not that glamorous of a position. It is much easier to be someone who has life going in the right direction without feeling any responsibility to help and give back. Reaching back when you are finally getting to a place in life you’ve desired is not for all. This is for a select few who will accept the prestige of leader but also the responsibility of the position. The most important of the responsibility is paying the price.
The price is steep. As a leader, your personal problems don’t stop. You still need to deal with what is on your plate. Also, you’ll be asked to deal with other plates. Plates that don’t take anything off of yours when they are cleaned. You could be going through a tough time and people will come to you with their issue as if you are asking for some. At times, you’ll see that some lean on you more than others and it will not have anything to do with ability. Some people will use a leader simply because they are allowed to do so. Another part of the price is knowing when to stop your aid. You’ll need to recognize the difference between leading and doing something for others.
Most will be okay with guidance, a list of steps. Others will need the list and some hand holding through a couple of steps. Others already know the steps, are capable of doing them, and will not move unless you are moving with them step by step. This you can not do. You have to be okay with upsetting this person for the sake of both of you. They may or may not get it together and do what they are supposed to do. Either way, you are protecting yourself from someone who is taking advantage of your position and ability to help. Save yourself for the people who need leadership not the ones who will drain you to your last drop and move on to the next leader if they can find one.
In closing, being a leader is an honor. An honor that gives as much as it takes. It is an awesome feeling to bring relief to someone who feels like it is nowhere in sight. It is the ability to be the person you wished you had when you were feeling like you were stuck or in need of help. It is being trusted as someone’s last hope and being able to come through for them.
It is being the good, the bad, the yes, and the no. The hero and the villain. It should also be noted that a larger portion of leaders do not have anyone to fall on. It is a lonely position most of the time, knowing you have no one to go to yourself. The best thing you can do is attempt to groom as many future leaders as you can while playing your role to the best of your ability.
Food for thought…You do the dishes.
