I could have stretched this one out to 4 separate blogs but, this needs to hit who it needs to as soon as possible. There are many different types of denial but, the following are the four major and most common types. We usually don’t put names to these actions. We’ll label it denial but, drilling down to the type of denial may assist in dealing with the issue. A person telling a doctor they are in pain versus telling a doctor their left arm begins to hurt after a long run is what we are doing here. Which doctor has a better chance at helping their patient? In this case, you are the doctor and the patient. We all practice some form of denial. It may or may not be a daily practice. To protect ourselves from falling victim to it, we must understand it. Denial is the action of declaring something untrue. When a person is said to be in denial, what they are denying is true. Let get to the big 4.
Minimization consists of psychologically diminishing the severity of an issue. “I missed out on a great opportunity but, it’s okay.” “I made a huge mistake but, it could have been bigger.” “You know I really could have created something substantial for this world. It would have supplied an immense level of inspiration and could have been improved upon over time to produce an unforeseen creation on earth but, no one will miss it because it never existed.” The outlook on life here is “nothing is a big deal.” Why is that the thought process? Is it because that is so? Or is it because you don’t want to deal with the blame or responsibility of your shortcomings and inaction?
Optimism Bias consists of an unrealistic belief that things will work out and you will not experience negative consequences. This form of denial dismisses what the past shows. A person will walk barefoot down the same glass filled road under the premise they should have stepped in most of the glass the last couple of times they walked. Maybe, you’ll tell yourself you know where all the glass is so everything will be okay this time. The danger with this optimism is it is unwavering. The unwavering optimism enables a person to get stuck in a never-ending cycle. That cycle is not the expected prize for what is perceived as a positive trait.
Avoidance Coping consists of avoiding distressful thoughts or emotions rather than effectively dealing with them. Avoidance Coping may be the most common and most ignored type of them all. How is this possible? In this case, the denial makes the people who are committing it oblivious to the fact they are. Have you ever experienced something painful because of your doing that made you feel so helpless, or useless? Something that you tend to act as if it never occurred? Oh, yeah. That. Yes, this is the defense mechanism that is holding the majority of us back. Look, we messed up. We made a bad decision. Worst than that poor decision or experience was our follow up decision to avoid addressing the issue. We never receive closure. We don’t get the experience of bouncing back from a terrible time or headspace. Now, the only way we are familiar with dealing with difficult times is to ignore them.
The final of the big 4 is Control Fallacies. This is a form of cognitive distortion that makes someone overestimate or underestimate the level of control they have over a situation. “I can stop smoking, drinking, gambling, being dishonest, (insert your vice here) whenever I want to.” We all know where this ends up for everyone but ourselves. Somehow, we convince ourselves everyone is weak but, we are the exception when it comes to stopping something we’ve allowed to become a habit. “I’ll start saving and investing my money after I get this last thing.” “After this weekend, I’m going to cut out all bad food.” Uh, no. You are not. Not because you don’t want to. You will not because you’ve lost control and will require time and assistance to overcome this habit.
As stated earlier, Control Fallacies work both ways. On the contrary to the above, some people deem themselves powerless. All reasoning for something happening or not is because of fate, others, luck, or anything else external. “I would have gone for a run but, it rained.” “I want to be an entertainer but, so many others want to also. Which is why I’m not.” “I would love to have more money but, it takes a lot of luck to win the lottery.” Do you find yourself always pointing outward when something isn’t going your way? If you have plans, do you allow the first sign of an obstacle to deter you? I’m afraid you may be allowing yourself to pass the blame onto undeserving factors. Ultimately, you can point to yourself but, you refuse.
In closing, denial is the ultimate growth restriction. It robs you of becoming powerful. It allows a lie to masquerade as the truth. It creates a fake world around you that is so fragile you spend more time and effort attempting to keep it together than you would have dealing with the issue head on. How long will you allow yourself to hide from what is stopping you from maximizing your potential? You can do it forever but, why? Why stay small for temporary comfort when you can get to where you desire by going through the necessary growing pains? Adopting this lifestyle makes comfort the norm and the pain temporary.
Food for thought…You do the Dishes.
