Some of us (and most of the people I know) grew up broke. We didn’t have much. At some point in our young lives, we realized it. It could have been a tv show. It could have been a visit to a family member’s house. It could have been comparing your haves and have nots to the students at your school. Whatever it was when it hit, it hit hard. You felt cheated and didn’t know why your family had to go without, while others have more than enough. For some of us, this experience was enough to promise ourselves better. We knew we didn’t want to be part of the have nots and we planned to fix it. We could have taken the college route. We could have taken the trade route. We could have immediately started our own business. Whatever it was, we did it. We became successful. We were no longer part of the have nots. Mission accomplished? I’d say no. I’d say we are missing something. A few somethings.

The first couple of somethings may be hard to understand because they seem like they can’t coexist. They are humility and self-esteem. We had nothing for so long we just have to show or flaunt what we have now. We somehow feel more important or better about ourselves by showing off because deep down we are still that broke/helpless kid. We must let people know we are members of the haves. This is a mistake and is very detrimental to our psyche. This behavior can not only cause us to live beyond our means but also causes us to revert to the feeling of who we were as kids when we can’t keep it up. Who are we trying to impress? We are looking to show anyone who will look that we are doing better but we should be looking for someone doing worse.

The person doing worse is in need and you are able to assist them. The person you are trying to impress or make envious has no situational benefit. They’ll either care and not show you they do or not care at all. Both result in leaving you fighting for validation from someone you don’t need it from and will never get it from. It’s a complete waste of time and is rooted in a lack of both humility and self-esteem. Fix this before reaching out to the person in need. It will be difficult to externally lend a hand when yours are internally occupied.

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In the recent past, I’ve written blogs entitled Find Someone Doing Better and Find Someone on Your Level. This is the final piece of the series. This piece grounds us. Finding someone doing worse helps us feel good about ourselves but not because they are doing worse. It’s because of the opportunity to help someone that is where you were. The opportunity to help someone who may still feel like the broke or helpless kid you know all too well. The opportunity to no longer have to fight with the lack of humility and self-esteem. Again, this may be hard to understand or just a little ironic but helping people humbles you. You realize that it could be you. In addition to being thankful that it’s not you, you are honored to be the person in a position to assist them. The self-esteem boosts come from getting to know this person and seeing their growth.

The pride you’ll gain from pointing them in the right direction will outweigh pulling up in a fancy car in front of a bunch of strangers or sitting in first class on a plane and watching the rest of the passengers walk to the back. Yes, maybe the first time feels pretty good, but the feeling is fleeting. Helping people out never gets old. The feeling never dulls. The person or people you choose to help will become more stable getting to a point where they can help others too. This creates a tree started by you. A gift that keeps on giving. This is created by simply extending your hand to one person.

In closing, us “successful” people need to watch ourselves. We need to make sure we are not flaunting when we need to be encouraging. We need to be wary of attempting to make people feel envious. Envious people are never allies. We need to make sure we don’t behave this way around family and friends also. Why make enemies of them? What benefit comes from your family feeling less than around you? Why do you think that will make you feel better? This mindset needs to go. This is the mindset of confused people, walking oxymorons pulling off the amazing feat of being both arrogant and possessing low self-esteem. Congratulations but there is no award for that. Handle this internal matter as soon as you can. Enable yourself to reach and teach.

Food for thought…You do the dishes!
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