In your life, you are told not to be selfish. You almost feel bad when you do something for yourself before others as if you did it to spite them. We oddly take pride in doing for others to the point of suffering on our end. No one tells you this is wrong. There is no award for it but we attempt to win it. Have you ever spoke on the phone with a friend/family member with a statement about you doing this and that but you’ve yet to do what you planned to do for yourself? Have you’ve worked overtime all month but never got a chance to look up the information for the vacation you wanted to take? Are you a parent and feed the children, making sure they have gotten their favorite food the way they like it but forgot to eat yourself? You first? The first thing you think is ” I’m not that type of person.” You are thinking that is selfish. Putting yourself first puts you in the position to be the happiest version of you.
You will pay more attention to yourself. You’ll rediscover what it is your enjoy and do it more. You’ll handle prioritization better and no longer put yourself in a bind. Saying “no” will be easier and the explanation will be valid even if it’s a simple “I need to rest. I’m drained.” Your transparency will come effortlessly because of your unapologetic self-care. With children, putting yourself first allows you to introduce that child to meals they wouldn’t have ever tried. Now, when you cook it, the entire household is happy because everyone likes it. This also allows everyone to eat together which can open the possibility of some memorable talks that would not have occurred otherwise. At work, putting yourself first means your co-workers and bosses understand you and yours comes first. This may not have you shooting up the corporate ladder if your company doesn’t value work/life balance but from a person that has had their fair share of corporate experience putting your job first doesn’t come with any guarantees either. In a relationship, this allows both parties to express themselves more and the level of openness that comes with that makes the relationship stronger. It gives the couple an understanding that they are 2 individuals who are choosing to operate together at times. This can be lost in relationships where the guise of becoming one causes one or both individuals to lose their identity without the other.
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Can all this occur with a person who doesn’t choose themselves first? Not probable. Think about your life. How comfortable are you expressing your best interests? How easily can you say no? Reading this it may be easy to say “I express myself” or “I say no all the time” but when the scenario occurs, it’s not the case. Just keep an eye out for putting things in front of what you want to do or get done. Are you putting yourself in this position for some reason you can’t explain? You may be the “selfless” person I’m describing. Putting yourself first allows you to be the best worker, friend, partner, or family member because you are fully aware of yourself. When you are doing something for someone you’ll do it better because there is nothing on your plate you deferred to be there. You’ll want to be there. Now, two parties are happy. Everybody wins.
In closing, people will use you up both knowingly and unknowingly. It is your job to set boundaries. You have to be in control of your time. People are important. There is nothing wrong with helping people, working late, making the favorite food for others, or anything else you do for people. The problem is when those things take away from you. Try putting yourself first and see how it works out. Yes, some will not like it but what is there not to like? Taking care of yourself? The boundaries set? The fact you are being self-aware? The fact you are no longer putting yourself in a bind to please them? Oh, okay. Wave goodbye nicely, I guess.
Food for thought…You do the dishes.
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